


lollipop, lollipop

by littlesaintmick



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, More characters to be added, Trans Female Character, depending on whether or not i have the energy to write any more of this, explicit rating to be earned later, idek what to tag this with dude i'm just tired and sad and wanted to post something Not Totally Sad, trans woman dean ambrose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 18:53:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16393247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesaintmick/pseuds/littlesaintmick
Summary: a new development comes to a head.





	lollipop, lollipop

**Author's Note:**

> howdy, y'all. i....am struggling, really badly, with joe's news. i don't really. know how to deal with it, so in the midst of my despair, i've somewhat thrown myself into fantasy worlds in an attempt to completely ignore what's actually happening. i'm tired and sad and hurt and this...is supposed to be a happy thing, cause. i don't know. guess i thought maybe something like this would be nice during. all this. hopefully i'll have the energy to continue this story, cause i love this headcanon a lot, and i have a lot of ideas for it, but. god. i'm not well right now. 
> 
> enjoy.

Roman and Seth watched as Dean stormed off, away from the ring. From them. Roman didn’t understand what was happening, what….the hell Dean’s problem was. He’d always had unstable moods, but for years Dean had come to Roman and told him what was going on. He knew he didn’t have to conceal anything or hold back, that wasn’t the kind of relationship they had. 

“Hey, man-it’ll be alright, he just...needs some alone time, you know?”

Roman nodded, glancing at Seth. He could tell Seth was worried, too, of course he was; Dean was his best friend, his brother. Once they’d reconnected, they’d bonded more closely than ever, which Roman was always happy about. He wanted his lover and his best friend to-well, at least not hate each other. Dean was always happier with friends, despite what he’d say if asked. Roman walked a little ways behind Seth up the ramp, half-heartedly greeting fans as he passed them.

\---

“- _ I guess I just don’t fit in anywhere anymore _ -”

Roman couldn’t stop thinking about what Dean had said. What did he mean? Roman had never known Dean to care about fitting in, but beyond that, he had to know that he always had a place with Roman. He never wouldn’t fit in, in that space. 

Roman made his way to the hotel room. It’d been five days since Dean had walked away from them, and he’d been closed off towards Roman every day. He barely spoke to him, no matter what Roman tried. He at least still slept in the same bed as Roman and told him that he loved him before they went to sleep. That was a good sign, if nothing else, that whatever was hurting Dean could be healed. Roman unlocked the door and walked in, surprised to see an empty room.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

‘ _ dean’s w me come to my room _ ’

It was from Seth, and Roman had to assume it had something to do with Dean. 

\---

Dean didn’t acknowledge Seth when he called out to him. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not even Seth. Not even…

“Hey-dude, what’s going on?”

Dean only turned because Seth put a hand on his shoulder. He jerked away from the touch, glancing at Seth and seeing the hurt expression. It hurt Dean, to know he was pushing these two men away, but...he couldn’t stop himself. It was so hard to stop. 

“Go away.”

“No-no! Listen to me, I-Dean, you’re my best friend, you’re my brother-”

Dean bristled at the word.

“-and I love you, with all my heart, and...I’m worried. I know you’re not talking much to Roman and you two-I know something is wrong cause you two haven’t shut up to or about each other since you met.”

Seth did have a point. Ever since they met in the developmental territory, Dean and Roman had been...kind of attached at the hip. They were meant to be, and knowing that only made it hurt worse when Dean pushed Roman away.

“Please, Dean...I can’t-I don’t want to lose-”

Seth couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence, ducking his head down and looking at the floor. Dean groaned and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the elevator and pressing the button to the floor Seth and Finn’s room was on. Dean knew Finn was out with some of the ladies-he was non-threatening enough to be welcomed by anyone, and Dean always thought it was interesting that he’d ended up with Seth, of all people. Dean didn’t speak on the way up, neither did Seth, but Dean knew Seth was looking at him. He didn’t speak until they were in Seth’s room, Dean pacing back and forth while Seth sat, cross-legged on the bed.

“Dean?”

“Don’t-don’t call me your ‘brother’ anymore, please-”

Dean took a second to look at Seth, and he looked crushed. Dean groaned and gripped the sides of his head, shutting his eyes tight. 

“No-no, not like that-I don’t mean that I’m-I don’t-the words are hard-”

“It’s okay, take your time. I’m not gonna rush you or force you to say anything that you can’t manage.”

Dean took a few deep breaths, thinking about the things Roman had helped him learn how to do when he had episodes or panic attacks. He squeezed his hands into fists and sat down across from Seth. 

“I-I’m not saying-I didn’t mean that to say-I still am that, you’re still that to me, but….that word...feels wrong.”

“The word ‘brother’?”

Dean nodded.

“Oh...uh...okay, I won’t use that anymore. Can...is there a reason why, though?”

Dean took a deep breath, trying to combat the hyperventilation that wanted to start up. He shut his eyes tight, slighting rocking back and forth.

“I-I haven’t told anyone-I haven’t told Roman-I can’t-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. What’s going on, Dean?”

Dean bit his lip for a moment, glancing at Seth before looking away.

“I-I’m not-when I was out-when I was hurt, I-I don’t know-I started feeling different about myself, and-I-I don’t...think I’m a man, I-”

He hadn’t admitted this to anyone. He barely let himself think about it at all, unwilling to fully acknowledge it, until now. 

“Wait-do-Dean, are you-”

“I’m not-I don’t know-I read about it a lot and talked to some people cause I wanted-I wanted to know more about-people who were born as guys who weren’t guys-and I think-”

Dean wiped the back of his hand across his face. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying, but he was. He looked up at Seth, pressing his lips into a tight line.

“I’m not-I’m a girl, Seth, I know it-I’ve known it for a few months now ever since I had to go into the hospital again and I ain’t told anyone cause-cause I was scared of it, I was scared of admitting it and I’m still scared cause I think people’re gonna hate me and Roman’s gonna-”

Seth quickly wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders and Dean hugged him back just as tightly, pressing his face against Seth’s neck.

“It’s okay, hey-it’s okay, Dean, and-I can promise you that Roman is not going to hate you or hurt you or anything like that-neither am I, I promise-”

Dean just let himself cry against Seth’s hair. Well...maybe ‘herself’ was more appropriate. It was hard for Dean to think of-herself, in the right words. That made it more real. More tangible. It wasn’t that Dean had anything against transgender people-he had no reason to be, other people’s gender wasn’t his business-but he’d-she’d never considered it for herself. It was never something that crossed her mind, that she could be a ‘she’ at all. 

Seth pulled away when Dean stopped crying, and he held Dean’s hands in his.

“So-I mean-what do you-do you just identify as a girl?”

Dean nodded, sniffling quietly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m-I looked at all those other genders and nothing felt right-nothing but...this.”

Seth stroked his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand.

“Do you...want me to start-I mean-do you have different pronouns you wanna use?”

“Y-yeah, I-I thought about it, for the past few months-I like the girl pronouns. ‘She’ and ‘her’ and all that. I-it’s hard-I feel like shit cause I can’t-I slip up, thinkin’ about myself sometimes-”

“I think that’s normal. Like-from what Finn’s told me, that’s normal, to not always...get it right, especially at the start. But-I don’t think that means you’re wrong about this, I-I’m really happy you told me, and...is this...is all this why you’ve been so distant, lately?”

Dean nodded again. 

“Oh...I guess that makes sense, now that I think about it.”

All the talk of ‘brotherhood’ hadn’t helped Dean, that’s for sure. She was tired of having to conceal who she really was, who she knew she was. She scooted closer to Seth and leaned her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry for all that. Pickin’ fights and being a dick to you guys.”

“It’s cool, d-it’s cool. I mean….we both knew something was up, but...I don’t think this was what me or Roman would have expected. But-Dean, knowing this, I’m not like...mad. This is something-I can’t imagine how hard it’s been, dealing with all this on your own.”

“I-I should’ve said something. To Roman. To you. Didn’t have to be on my own, I made myself be on my own.”   
“Maybe, but-me and Rome both know that sometimes you do that, we should have reached out-”

Dean wrapped her arms around Seth’s waist, squeezing him tight.

“Don’t get mad at yourself. It’s not your fault, I-I think ‘m just happy I finally said it.”

Seth was quiet for a moment, the two of them holding each other. It’d taken them so long to get back to the point of comfort where they were able to do this, but Dean was unbelievably grateful, right now, that they had reached that point again.

“Is...is it okay that you told me first, and not-Roman?”

Dean frowned. 

“I...yeah, I-I don’t know. I-guess so? I know I gotta tell him, but-I love you too, Seth, just cause it’s different don’t mean I love you less than him-”

Seth kissed the top of Dean’s head, and she had to crack a small smile at that.

“Love you too…..sis.”

Dean smiled much bigger at that, poking Seth in the stomach. 

“So that’s what you’re gonna start with?”

“Absolutely. Get used to it.”

Dean laughed and pulled away from Seth, shoving him a little. Seth just flopped onto the bed, staring at Dean with warmth and love in his eyes.

“So….you gonna go talk to him?”

“Guess I have to.”

“I mean...you don’t ‘have’ to, you know? You’re not under any obligation to come out to anyone, and you don’t have to rush it.”

Dean sighed and laid down next to Seth, staring up at the ceiling. 

“I know, but...I want to. I’ve wanted-I wanted to tell him this whole time, cause-I hate keeping shit from him. Just got-so up in my own fuckin’ head that I thought he’d hate me-”

“You know he’d never hate you, dude-sorry, shit. Gonna take a while to get out of that habit.”

Dean laughed, turning her head to look at Seth.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think small things like that bother me, it’s just...big stuff, you know?”

Seth turned his head to look at her, too, and he smiled.

“I am happy you told me, and-I know I’m gonna fuck up sometimes, with the right words and everything, but...I’m gonna try. I promise.”

“I know you will. Gonna kick your ass if you don’t.”

Seth laughed and pulled his phone out. 

“Hey, you want me to text Roman? Tell him where you’re at?”

“....yeah. I want-I wanna tell him.”

“Want me around when you do?”

Dean nodded. She wanted her brother with her, no matter what happened.

\---

Roman walked into the room quickly, immediately sitting on the bed next to Dean, wrapping his arms around him.

“Baby, you scared me-”

“‘m sorry. Didn’t mean to-just had to talk to Seth and-guess I got-sorry.”

Roman kissed Dean’s cheek, and Dean seemed...significantly more relaxed than he had been all week. All month, all year really. Roman looked to Seth, who looked uncharacteristically nervous. Dean pulled away from him, and shifted until he could face Roman directly.

“Uh-I got-gotta tell you something, Rome. I-I don’t want you to get mad at me or-or hate me-”

Dean’s breathing picked up in pace and Roman reached out, grabbing his hand.

“Baby, remember to breathe, whatever you have to tell me-I won’t hate you, I promise. I could never hate you.”

Dean closed his eyes for a long moment, breathing with Roman, opening his stormy blue eyes and looking at Roman. Roman felt a little lovestruck, honestly, he always did when Dean looked at him.

“Okay-I-I already told Seth cause I couldn’t hold it in anymore-but-while I was-while I was out and hurt-I started-I don’t-I realized I don’t-really identify….as a man.”

Roman blinked. 

“What?”

“I-I just-when-I started feeling different and realized-I mean-maybe I’ve felt that way for a long time and just didn’t realize it-didn’t wanna admit it, but-I’m-a girl. I’m trans. I-yeah.”

Roman blinked again. 

“Huh.”

That probably wasn’t the most appropriate response, and he shook himself out of his surprise when he saw that Dean looked absolutely terrified, and Roman could feel the tension rolling off of him-her?-and Seth.

“I-okay, hold on, just...give me a second.”

Roman closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths of his own. Okay. So Dean was a transgender person. A transgender woman. Roman supposed he should have seen it sooner; looking back at the entire time that he’d known Dean, there had been some parts of his-her, God, Roman would have to work on that-personality that were distinctly more feminine, and it very suddenly made sense as to why Dean had been so closed-off and upset lately. She’d been dealing with this on her own, and this wasn’t exactly a small thing. Not in their world, especially, and Roman couldn’t begin to imagine how that felt. If they weren’t in the public eye, it would have still likely been difficult, but millions of people watched Dean every week.  _ Millions _ . And all of those people saw Dean as a man, which...evidently, Dean was not. Roman opened his eyes and squeezed Dean’s hands.

“Okay. Okay. You-baby, first off, I love you. No matter what. You’re the love of my life and that won’t change. I-I have some questions, but I’m not gonna push you. I am….so, so happy you told me, and-I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner that something this big was going on. Whatever I need to do-and, shit, I don’t know much about this sort of thing, so I will do my best to learn-but whatever you need of me, you’ve got it.”

Roman brought Dean’s hands up to his mouth, kissing over the scarred skin on her knuckles. He assumed she wanted to be thought of-even in people’s heads, where she couldn’t hear their thoughts-with feminine words, or what Roman knew as feminine words. He really didn’t have a lot of direct experience with transgender people, but he meant it when he said he’d learn. He never wanted Dean to feel like she couldn’t come to him, be honest with him, and the fact that she’d kept this from him for….however long, it made him worry that he wasn’t being the best boyfriend he could be. Dean cupped Roman’s face in both hands, leaning forward until she could press her forehead against his. 

“I-Roman-I love you, I’m-I’m sorry I kept this to myself and for being-such an ass the past few weeks Ro I’m really sorry-”

Roman shook his head, the tips of their noses bumping against each other.

“No, no no, baby, don’t-I can’t understand what you’ve been going through but knowing-I don’t-I’m not mad at you for how you’ve been, baby, I’m just happy to know-”

Dean very briefly kissed him, and Roman fell in love all over again.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Hey, third wheel over here!”   
Roman laughed and Dean reached out to Seth, pulling him to them and they all wrapped their arms around each other. It felt right. It was always the three of them, no matter what. Nothing in the world could truly tear them apart, not a goddamn thing. Roman squeezed Seth before pulling away, wrapping his fingers around Dean’s hand. 

“Baby, you wanna come back to our room? I-if-I wanna-if you’re up for it-”

“Little bit tired for that, Romeo.”

Roman laughed and shook his head.

“No, not that. Just...wanna talk.”

Dean nodded, hugging Seth one more time-Roman really was happy his brother and his love were so close again. It was crystal clear that they both needed it. Roman watched as Seth held Dean tight, cupping the back of her head with one hand. 

“I love you, Dean. You-you will always be my sister, you know that?”

“Of course. I love you too, Seth.”   
Roman felt warmth in his heart at the exchange. Sister. That was the right word for Dean, and he reached his hand out, and she took it, the two of them walking hand-in-hand to their room. It did feel weird, still. Roman thought to himself, while Dean was in the shower-she’d said she wanted to take one alone and Roman wouldn’t invade her space unless she welcomed him explicitly-and he changed his clothes, laying down on the bed.

He knew he needed to work diligently to learn about what Dean was experiencing, and he knew he needed to work to make sure he used the right words for her. It seemed easy enough, immediately, but Roman knew that he was going to forget sometimes and slip up. He just knew he had to keep it to a minimum. He pulled out his phone and searched around for resources-he really didn’t know what he was doing, but he wanted to try, and he clicked on a few articles. There was...a lot, of information and material and Roman bookmarked some things that seemed especially helpful. 

“Ro? You okay?”

Roman looked away from his phone, at Dean, and smiled. She was wearing one of his shirts and boxers, and she looked as stunning as the day they met. He patted the bed next to him.

“Yeah, baby. C’mere.”

Dean crawled into bed and curled up next to Roman-just like she’d been doing for the past five years-and Roman easily wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She rested her head on his chest, and he started scratching at the nape of her neck, at the almost-hairless skin there.

“What did you wanna talk about?”

“I guess….all of this. You being…”

“You can say it.”

“I know, but-guess I’m worried I’m gonna misstep, and I don’t wanna-I don’t want to upset you or hurt you.”

Dean rubbed a hand over his stomach, and Roman relaxed.

“If you say something that bothers me, I’ll tell you.”   
Roman sighed, placing his other hand over Dean’s, linking their fingers together.

“I mean...when exactly did this start? Like, do you remember if there was a specific moment, or?”

“Not really. Just. I guess I’d-like I said, guess I maybe felt this way for a long time, and just didn’t think about it or-wanna acknowledge it. I know not everyone who’s trans has this problem, but-shit, I guess it freaked me out.”

“But-it does….I mean..it feels good, right? This change is something that makes you happy?”

“.....yeah. It-yeah. It does, now that-now that I’m saying it out loud and tellin’ you and Seth. You guys just-not having a problem with it an’ accepting me-that helped. It feels real now. Like-I feel like this is right.”

Roman moved his hand from her scalp to her back, tracing mindless little patterns into her shoulder.

“What...feels different, if-I mean-is it-does anything feel different?”

“That’s...I don’t know. That’s kind of a hard question, cause-I’m still me, you know? That hasn’t-what makes me be me hasn’t gone away, it’s just-uh-”

Roman rubbed Dean’s back firmly, helping her stay relaxed. He knew words were hard for her when she was stressed.

“It’s….in a different….light, I guess. I just-when I think of myself, I don’t think of a man. I think-I feel like a woman, completely, I have for months, and-even before that. I never felt...connected to being a dude. I-like-I don’t know how to explain it, but when I think of being a woman, I feel….right, you know? It feels like that’s what I’m supposed to be.”

Roman hummed. He didn’t...really understand it, but he figured maybe he didn’t have to fully understand. Maybe he couldn’t. He’d never thought much about his gender, he always figured he was happy to be a guy. It felt right for him. But it clearly hadn’t been right for Dean, and Roman was just happy to see Dean relaxed and happy again. 

“So...I guess that makes you my girlfriend, now.”

Dean laughed and wrapped her arms around his middle, squeezing him a little.

“I guess I am.”

Roman looked down at Dean, reaching up to cup her face with one hand. He stroked his thumb over the thick facial hair, looking into her eyes.

“I...while you were in the shower, I was reading about-you know, trans people, and-uh..do you...I mean-do you have any of that-the issues with your body?”

Dean blinked up at him. 

“Maybe? I-I’d have to think about it more. I think-maybe I’ll figure that out more now that I’m...kind of out, but-I mean, so far? Not really. Just kinda-I like everything where it is. Guess I could...I don’t know, maybe….I’d like a bigger chest, just-or maybe wider hips-just something to change my figure, but-I dunno, I like my body. It’s never-now that I’ve-that it’s real, I feel like it’s never felt like a man’s body.”

Roman kissed the round tip of Dean’s nose, and she smiled, and God, anything was worth seeing that.

“Well, if I may say, you are the most gorgeous, beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life, baby.”

Dean blushed and groaned, rolling onto her front and hiding her face in the pillow. Roman laughed and followed, flopping half-on top of her, Dean letting out a small ‘oof’ as he did.

“Get off me, ya lug.”

“Nope.”

Dean shuffled until she was more fully under Roman, and Roman kissed at the back of her neck. 

“God, you really are-you’re so beautiful, baby.”

He kissed more intently at her neck, tugging the collar of her shirt down until more skin was exposed, and Dean gasped, moving out from under Roman.

“Roman-I’m sorry, I can’t-I don’t know if-”

Roman backed off-there had been times that Dean couldn’t have sex and Roman never pushed-and he rubbed at the back of his head.

“Sorry-got a little hot-”

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t apologize, baby, I know sometimes-even before this, you sometimes had trouble with sex, and-I guess I can see how all of this would affect that.”

Dean looked at him, still nervous, Roman could tell. 

“You’re not...mad?”

“Of course not. I-Dean, I’m never gonna get mad cause of stuff like that. I mean-if I really gotta get off, I got hands, don’t I?”

Roman grinned and that got a laugh out of Dean, and he pulled her close again. He kissed the side of her head and hummed, rubbing one hand over her stomach.

“Can I ask you something, though? ‘bout all this?”

Dean nodded. 

“Do you...one of the things I kept seeing on all those articles..do you wanna keep your name?”

Roman had noticed that as a repeating topic, that most trans people chose a new name that more closely matched their gender, or-Roman assumed, ones that just made them happier in general. Maybe he could ask Finn about some of this.

“Uh….I don’t...I...I have kinda..thought about a different name.”

“You have one in mind?”

Dean blushed, resting her head on his shoulder, and Roman closed his eyes, just..taking in her existence. He adored her so much.   
“Yeah. I-when I was out one day, back in Birmingham-I had to go get my prescriptions and the pharmacist lady...she was this young chick and-her name was Addie, and...I liked that a lot. Kinda-been occasionally thinking about myself with that name. I-I mean, I’m not-don’t want it if you’re gonna not like it-”

Roman kissed her head again, holding her tighter.

“Oh, baby-God, I’d love any name you went by. ‘Rose by any other name’ and all that. If-if Addie is your name, then that’s what I’m gonna call you. That’s what I’m gonna doodle on notebooks in little hearts.”   
Dean laughed and kissed Roman’s neck, and Roman squeezed his eyes shut happily at the sensation. He loved when she kissed him.

“You’re really something, Rome. Maybe-could you start using that name for me? Just to see if it really fits the way I think it does?”

“Absolutely. I-I gotta be honest, I think-I’m probably gonna mess up on this a lot, but-I promise it’s never like-it’s never malevolent. I’m never gonna be trying to hurt you when it happens.”   
“I know, it’s-it’s not gonna be an easy change. For me, either, shit, I keep thinking of myself with guy words, it’s fuckin’ annoying-”

Roman snorted and laid down, pulling D-Addie to lay on top of him. Even after having bulked up, she was still more than light enough to lay on him and have him be comfortable with it.

“Guess we’re gonna work on it together then, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m-I’m excited to work on that-to be me, with you.”

Roman smiled, reaching up and cupping Addie’s face-he was gonna work extra hard to use the right name for her-and he leaned up, pressing his lips to hers. It was a gentle kiss, but a deep one, and she quietly moaned against him. She broke the kiss first, leaning her forehead on Roman’s. 

“I love you, Roman. I love you-God, a whole fuckin’ lot-”

“I love you too, baby. More than you know.”

Roman kissed her again, his fingers running through the soft, short hair on the top of her head, his other hand on the small of her back, keeping her pressed flush against his body. 


End file.
